Received this joke from my friend, Ron Beasley, by email. I’m not sure where Ron got it from or who the author is. However, I loved it and decided to share it with you. It’s a bit of humor with a lot of truth, all rolled into one cute joke.

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A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you this: “Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have! “I’ve been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Obama.”

Michael Farmer

“Something About That Name”
By Cal Thomas ~ Tribune Media Services

January 7, 2010

The secular left - and some self-described Christians - criticize Brit Hume, the Fox News commentator, for suggesting that the solution to Tiger Woods’ problems is a relationship with Jesus Christ. Hume made his remarks on “Fox News Sunday.” Disclosure: I also appear on Fox News.
Hume said, “My message to Tiger would be: Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

That is a message shared for 2,000 years by those who follow Jesus of Nazareth. It apparently continues to escape the secular left that Christians feel compelled to share their faith out of gratitude for what Jesus has done for them (dying in their place on a cross and offering a new life to those who repent and receive Him as savior). In a day when some extremists employ violence to advance their religion, it is curious that many would save their criticism for a truly peace-bringing message such as the one broadcast by Brit Hume.

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By: Ian Slatter, Director of Media Relations

Each year, the homeschool movement graduates at least 100,000 students. Due to the fact that both the United States government and homeschool advocates agree that homeschooling has been growing at around 7% per annum for the past decade, it is not surprising that homeschooling is gaining increased attention. Consequently, many people have been asking questions about homeschooling, usually with a focus on either the academic or social abilities of homeschool graduates. As an organization advocating on behalf of homeschoolers, Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) long ago committed itself to demonstrating that homeschooling should be viewed as a mainstream educational alternative. We strongly believe that homeschooling is a thriving education movement capable of producing millions of academically and socially able students who will have a tremendously positive effect on society. Despite much resistance from outside the homeschool movement, whether from teachers unions, politicians, school administrators, judges, social service workers, or even family members, over the past few decades homeschoolers have slowly but surely won acceptance as a mainstream education alternative. This has been due in part to the commissioning of research which demonstrates the academic success of the average homeschooler. The last piece of major research looking at homeschool academic achievement was completed in 1998 by Dr. Lawrence Rudner. Rudner, a professor at the ERIC Clearinghouse, which is part of the University of Maryland, surveyed over 20,000 homeschooled students. His study, titled Home Schooling Works, discovered that homeschoolers (on average) scored about 30 percentile points higher than the national average on standardized achievement tests. This research and several other studies supporting the claims of homeschoolers have helped the homeschool cause tremendously. Today, you would be hard pressed to find an opponent of homeschooling who says that homeschoolers, on average, are poor academic achievers. There is one problem, however. Rudner’s research was conducted over a decade ago. Without another look at the level of academic achievement among homeschooled students, critics could begin to say that research on homeschool achievement is outdated and no longer relevant. Recognizing this problem, HSLDA commissioned Dr. Brian Ray, an internationally recognized scholar and president of the non-profit National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI), to collect data for the 2007-08 academic year for a new study which would build upon 25 years of homeschool academic scholarship conducted by Ray himself, Rudner, and many others. Drawing from 15 independent testing services, the Progress Report 2009: Homeschool Academic Achievement and Demographics included 11,739 homeschooled students from all 50 states who took three well-known tests-California Achievement Test, Iowa Tests of Basic Skills, and Stanford Achievement Test for the 2007-08 academic year. The Progress Report is the most comprehensive homeschool academic study ever completed . . . . . .

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The NEA (National Education Association) just completed it annual convention and it was quite an eye-opener too. A speech given by retiring General Counsel Bob Chanin coupled with two votes taken at the annual gathering have served to create a serious dilemma for professing Christian teachers in the public school system.

Whether or not he intended to do so, Bob Chanin made it clear what the real purpose and agenda of the NEA is all about. It’s supposed to be about providing a better education for our nation’s children. Instead however, it has everything to do with politics. The NEA means to use its money and the power of it 3.2 million members to promote the homosexual agenda. They intend to use their resources to help make same sex marriages the law of the land. They also want to support any move to strengthen the laws that support abortion. Finally, they intend to oppose anything else the conservative right wing and the Christian community are for!

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Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to talk to? That’s GOD, he wants you to talk to him.

Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for? That’s GOD, he talks to you through the Holy Spirit.

Have you ever been thinking about somebody that you haven’t seen in a long time and then the next thing you know you see them or receive a
phone call from them? That’s GOD! This was no coincidence!

Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn’t even ask for, like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared, or a
coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted, but couldn’t afford? That’s GOD, he knows the desires of your heart.

Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue to how it is going to get better, but now you look back on it and it seems a lot better? That’s GOD, he passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day.

Our God is awesome! Spend some quality time with Him today!

Pastor Farmer

1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.

Author Unknown ~ MEF

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
3. You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget were they left them.
6. One of life’s mysteries is how a two ounce bag of candy can make person gain five pounds.
7. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
8. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
9. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.
10. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
11. Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
12. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
13. Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

These are collections I’ve found & saved over the years. I don’t know the author but will be glad to give credit to them if identified. ~ MEF

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the
   second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
7. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
8. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.
9. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
10. School Lunches stick to the wall.
11. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
12. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
13. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

These are collections I’ve found & saved over the years. I don’t know the author but will be glad to give credit to them if identified. ~ MEF

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
5. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
6. Families are like fudge … mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
7. Remember the strong oak tree in your back yard is just a nut that held its ground.
8. Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
9. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
10. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
11. If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

These are collections I’ve found & saved over the years. I don’t know the author but will be glad to give credit to them if identified. ~ MEF

Acts 2:42 NKJV - And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers.

You will often see written on church calendars on the date of the last day of a revival meeting, “Revival Ends.” Too many times the revival really does end when the evangelist leaves town, but it doesn’t have to be this way!

The things that were important to you during the time revival services were taking place should be just as important to you now. If we want the spirit of revival to continue . . . . .

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